Leadership Insecurity Disorder: Leading from Among Your Baggage

We all deal with insecurities. All of us. Those nagging little voices that whisper, “you’re not enough.”

This, of course, is completely true. On our own, you and I are not nearly enough. These voices sort of have a point. So what do we do with all this messy stuff they stir up?

Wrestling with insecurity doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it means you’re a normal, broken, sinful human being. But when it comes to leadership, insecurity better be first on your repentance list. Our insecurities don’t just make us weak leaders, they make us dangerous leaders.

When Saul was anointed King in 1 Samuel 10, his insecurities were on full display. Scripture tells us that Saul was a head taller than everyone else and the best looking man in all of Israel. He had all the outward characteristics we love in our leaders. And yet, when the people gathered to anoint him as their king, no one could find him anywhere.

“So they asked the LORD, “Where is he?” And the LORD replied, ‘He is hiding among the baggage.’” (v. 22)

Outside, Saul was the perfect leader. Inside, Saul was terrified.

Saul was understandably overwhelmed. A few chapters earlier he was minding his own business plowing a farm field. Now he was to become Israel’s first king? I would’ve been scared too. But as the story of Saul unfolds through the remainder of 1 Samuel, we see this leader who once hid in the physical baggage never address his emotional and spiritual “baggage.” Saul never dealt with his insecurities, he lived into them.

King Saul went from celebrated young leader to fearful, manipulative, vengeful, and murderous psychopath. He tried to pin David to the wall with a spear on multiple occasions. In a panic, he sought advice from a demonic medium. He made strategic battle mistakes because he got ahead of God and thought he had to be the hero. He even threatened to kill his own son because of a rash vow he made in front of his men.

Saul led from his fear, and these unrepentant insecurities didn’t just make him a bad leader, they turned him into a dangerous human being.

When I read stories like Saul’s, I try to remember that I am not immune to the baggage that comes from being a sinful man. If not for Jesus, I am capable of horrific things. And even worse, I’m capable of spinning those horrific choices as good and right and necessary. My insecurities deceive even me.

If you find yourself in a leadership role of any kind, please deal with your insecurities. The Gospel offers us hope, not in just telling us what we need to do, but empowering us to truly change from the inside-out. The finished work of Jesus becomes the foundation for real transformation, and this always begins with humility and repentance.

“If you find yourself in a leadership role of any kind, please deal with your insecurities.”

As a leader, I would encourage you today to let the Holy Spirit search your heart. We all wrestle with insecurity, but as you learn to recognize it, confess it to Jesus. Call it out as the sin that it is and repent of it. Ask Him to help you find true rest and peace in Him. Allow the resurrected King to resurrect a true sense of security in your heart, a confidence and boldness that comes from the Gospel alone.

You don’t have to lead from among your baggage. Leaders please, for the sake of all those who depend on you, let Jesus heal your insecurities. What’s at stake is too important.